Army needs new recruits

Top Ways The Army Is Trying To Boost Recruiting

8. Military transport flights now earn you Delta frequent flier miles

7. Where else can you shoot guns and get awakened in the middle of the night by loud explosions besides New York, Chicago and Detroit?

6. Get rid of all those creepy Richard Simmons Wants You posters

5. Intelligence spy satellite may be used to watch television 24 hours a day

4. Superiors may now be addressed as Dude

3. Make it so every hand grenade has a creamy nougat center

2. Next mission: all-out invasion of Temptation Island

1. New slogan Army of One replaces Hope You Like Scrubbing Latrines!