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1. Accurate number (4/20/2013)
   `Well,` replied the guide, ` a geologist came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.
2. The man who is (4/20/2013)
   The owner of a small travel agency saw an attractive couple gazing at his travel poster. Suddenly inspired, he ran up and told them his idea. `I'll give you an all-expenses-paid vacation in exchange for appearing in ads endorsing my agency.` They agreed on the spot.
3. Three men in a bar (4/19/2013)
   Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, and the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, `I just screwed your mom, and it was swe-e-et!`
4. Help buried the canary in the backyard (4/19/2013)
   Little Alice was heartbroken when her pet canary (1) died, and to soften the blow, her father gave her a cigar box for a coffin and assisted in burying the canary in the back yard.
5. He soon received a reply (4/15/2013)
   Puccini, the composer of the Opera Madame Butterfly often sent a cake to his director Toscanini at Christmas. One year, he did so as usual, but he suddenly remembered he had had words with that famous director.
6. Don't worry I have a lot of money (4/15/2013)
   Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.Hi.
7. It can't be my sheep (4/13/2013)
   They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!
8. A few months to go (4/13/2013)
   When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners.
9. His wife accompanied him to see a doctor (4/11/2013)
   `Your husband is very sick,` the doctor said, `but there are three things you can do to ensure his survival. First, fix him three healthful, delicious meals a day. Next, give him a stress-free environment, and don't complain about anything. Finally, care for him with love every day.`
10. To show what you can do (4/11/2013)
   The next man, a chemist, beckoned his dog, Beaker, to show what he could do. The dog went to the fridge, took out a quart of milk and poured out exactly eighty ounces into a measuring cup.
11. The shutters you want there (4/10/2013)
   Doubtful they could avoid ruining their clothes, the women locked the door, stripped naked and painted in nude. After about an hour they heard a knock at the door.
12. I want to let my driver to answer it (4/10/2013)
   When they got to the auditorium, the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and settled in the back row. The chauffeur walked to the lectern and delivered the speech. Afterward he asked if there were any questions.
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