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1. Dinner's ready (5/24/2013)
   My cooking has always been the target of family jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off. Although both of my children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the alarm. Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of them.
2. Emergency standby passenger (5/24/2013)
   After insisting she had to make the flight because she was with a U. S. governor, an American embassy aide intervened. Varela got a standby ticket and boarded just before take-off.
3. He spend every day happily (5/23/2013)
   Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.
4. I'm just looking (5/23/2013)
   The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, `Pardon me. May I help you with something.`
5. Next semester in her biology class (5/22/2013)
   A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, `You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.`
6. In the air (5/22/2013)
   Matt thought about this for a while. He knew he would have to spend money at the fair. At last he said, `All right, but I'm not going to spend much money. We'll look at things, but we won't buy anything. `
7. The missionary of the topic (5/21/2013)
   The next day, at the grocery store, a young woman who had attended the lecture recognized the minister's wife. `That was certainly an excellent talk your husband gave yesterday, ` she said. `He really has a unique perspective on the subject.`
8. In the supermarket (5/21/2013)
   At the supermarket I noticed an elderly man who seemed to be following me wherever I went. As I moved to each aisle, there he was, smiling at me. Now I was wondering if he was interested in me.
9. Two halibut (5/20/2013)
   The guests were seated at the table when their host strode in with a platter, holding the biggest flounder they'd ever seen. Suddenly Simon stumbled and fell. Everyone cried out in dismay as the fish crashed to the floor, but Simon quickly brushed himself off.
10. If the request (5/20/2013)
   I had fallen and dislocated my elbow, which made writing checks for my small business nearly impossible. I called my bank to explain that the signature on my checks would look odd due to my accident, and would they please horror them anyway.
11. I Never Work after Supper (5/17/2013)
   When they had finished, the cheap farmer said, `While we're still at the table, let's have supper too.`They were now served steak, boiled potatoes and mixed vegetables, and they ate once more.
12. Coach and his players (5/17/2013)
   I was the new coach of a Little League baseball team and had not yet learned the names of my players. At our first game, I called each boy by the number on his uniform. When I yelled,`Number5, your time to bat, ` Jeff Smith came to the plate to hit.
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