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1. Of course,But you started (6/7/2013)
   The HR Person said, `Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?`
2. The cat and the pallet (6/7/2013)
   `Listen,` the collector added, `I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer as well. The cat seems to like it and I'd hate to have him give it up. `
3. Where did you stay at this point (6/3/2013)
   Charles came home at four in the morning and found his wife lying awake in the bed. `Where you until this hour of the morning?` She screamed.
4. No dust, it is so clean (6/3/2013)
   `I was in that new restaurant across the street,` said one. `It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines.`
5. How long have you been here (6/1/2013)
   A young American tourist goes on a guided tour of a creepy old castle in England. `How did you enjoy it?` the guide asked when it was over.
6. He saw an old lady following him (6/1/2013)
   `Pardon me,` she said. `I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who died recently.`
7. They still don't have to make a decision (5/31/2013)
   The ultrasound didn't reveal the baby's sex, though, and since the expectant father had orders from the Navy to ship out before the due date, he told his wife, `We'd better pick out a boy's name, just in case.`
8. Senior class (5/31/2013)
   My five-year-old son was not picking up his toys while I was preparing dinner as I had asked him. When I inquired why he wasn't doing his chores, he said that he didn't feel like it.
9. Go on a diet group (5/30/2013)
   Mom was very proud that she'd lost ten pounds. On the way to the store with my husband and me she talked of little else. We dropped her off in the lingerie department, but when we returned, we couldn't find her. Thinking she might be in the fitting room, I asked the saleswoman if she had seen my mother.
10. Live forever (5/30/2013)
   dollars a bottle for this wonderful medicine. I'm not going to charge you fifty dollars a bottle. I'm not going to charge you twenty five dollars a bottle. No, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to charge you just ten dollars a bottle. Think, my friends, for ten dollars you can live forever.`
11. I don't drink that much every day (5/28/2013)
   A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can't let him get away. So they got married immediately.
12. We can put it out of coffee (5/28/2013)
   Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, `Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee.`
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