An Early Peek at Clintons.
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An Early Peek at Clintons

Members of Congress...people of America....
I banged her. I banged her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks,
because if you think Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my
orchestra, you haven't been paying attention. The only babes in D.C. I haven't
tried to do are The First Lady, Reno, Albright, and Shalala, mostly because
they're a Little older than I like and they have legs that former Houston Oiler
Earl Campbell would envy. Which isn't to say I don't appreciate Hillary... I do.
If not for the ice-water coursing through her veins, I'd be Pumping gas into
farm equipment in Hope, Arkansas, and she'd be married to The President.

So, let me set the record straight. I dodged the draft, hid FBI files, smoked
dope, flipped Whitewater property, set up a new Korean wing in the White House,
fired the travel staff, paid hush money to Hubbell, sold the Lincoln bedroom
like an upscale Motel 6, and grabbed every ass that entered the Oval Office. Got
it? Good.

Six years ago, there's not a man, woman, or child who didn't know I Was as
horny as Woody Allen. But, you elected me anyway, which turned out to be a good
move on your part. Your other choice was Bush, an aging Baseball player and
part-time resident of some place called Kennebunkport. There was Reagan, who
left the office with the same Alzheimer's he came in with. There was Carter
before him who brought you a 17% prime interest rate, smiling the whole time
like his lithium drip had just kicked in.

Nixon before that coined, but never really understood, the concept of
'plausible deniability,' and almost got a one-way ticket to San Quentin (instead
of San Clemente) for his crackerjack style of governing. Johnson was an inbred,
power-mad war criminal whose major contribution to American society was Agent
Orange. And John Kennedy, who was a little naughty himself, didn't hang around
long enough for America to spot that curious atavistic tic for
beaver-wrestling shared by at least a dozen former residents of the White
House. Which brings me back to my point...

Since I have been strumming the banjo here at the White House government is
doing more for less. The budget is balanced for the first time since JFK did a
one gun salute to Marilyn, a fact the press didn't seem to care about,
evidently. Unemployment is so low today a blind felon can get a job as a
night-watchman. The stock market is higher than a D-student on a full gram of
dumb-dust, and anyone with a degree from a junior college who can spell
'internet' has enough money to ponder the annual maintenance cost of his boat,
instead of where his or her next meal is coming from. Bottom line: I'm running a
country here and I'm doing it with my pecker showing.

What I'm asking for is your support, not a date with your daughter...unless,
of course, she's a hotty with thin ankles, and then I'd like to discuss it. In
the meantime, think about where you are today and what kind of life you're
living before you get too interested in where I'm parking the Presidential
limousine.

Thank you, good night and God bless America!
[Tag]:An Early Peek at Clintons
[Time]:5/9/2010
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