The Monkey Goes Where the Wind Blows ....
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The Monkey Goes Where the Wind Blows ...

This week, the Bush administration finally released the official start-date of
the U.S. war in Iraq, giving the United Nations a March 17th deadline by which
to disband, or face total annihilation. As a side-note the White House also
designated that date as the deadline by which Iraq must be fully disarmed in
order to avoid the gift of democracy. Secretary of State Colin Powell spoke to
reporters after addressing the U.N. earlier this week, explaining that, 揺ven
though we consider the destruction of the Iraqi people a major priority, our
greater motivation is to completely undermine the United Nations as a credible
or functioning entity in global affairs. We wouldn be accused so consistently
of violating international law if there was no international law of which to
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld elaborated on that position Friday,
chuckling that, 搕hat should take care of some of the crybabys.?D

During the same briefing, Donald Rumsfeld addressed his notorious remarks that
characterized the opposition to America war in Iraq as 搊ld Europe,?
clarifying that, 搘hen I used that term to describe countries like France and
Germany, I just meant it in the respect that when we抮e through with the world,
they won have electricity, running water, or gay bathhouses, just like in
Medieval times .?

So as the deadline approaches, the U.N. fifteen member security council
remains sharply divided on the matter, but President Bush has maintained his
steadfast confidence in the necessity of action in Iraq, strengthened by his
belief that, 揓esus would never send a Yale man to Hell.?In light of
international pleas, from both nation members of the U.N. and a weapon
inspections team headed by Hans Blix, to continue pursuing peaceful disarmament,
President Bush stated during his Thursday press conference that, think it
clear beyond a reasonable doubt that we are still in a diplomatic phase right
now. War is not inevitable. Saddam Hussein has until March 17th to decide. If by
then 2 million Iraqi people spontaneously die, Saddam Hussein drowns in his
kitchen sink, the United Nations stops inventing treaties we don want to sign,
oil becomes obsolete, Iraq changes its national anthem to 揇owntown?by Petula
Clark, I win yet another term without having to undergo a democratic election,
my father stops referring to me remorsefully as 揃arbara night of indiscretion
with a sub-average Ferris-wheel operator from a genetically questionable
Mississippi pharmaceutical town,?and Iraq fully and finally disarms, then we
can begin to make some peaceful progress. It a very simple demand that has
been met with resistance, lies, and deception for more than a decade. This is
Saddam Hussein last chance to prove he can disarm to avert war.?

Going into this weekend, Iraq responded to the American proposed deadline by
quickening the pace of its missile destruction, under the observation of U.N.
weapons inspectors. By Sunday afternoon, the number of dismantled weapons had
jumped from six to 46. President Bush responded to these efforts of disarmament,
opening and closing his remarks by indicating that, 搕hat not what we mean by
disarmament.?In order to better qualify the vagueness of America demands, the
President explained that later in the week that, 搘hile we consider regime
change in Iraq inevitable, we consider war completely evitable.?

As the White House seriously contemplates the offhand possibility of war,
cautiously weighing the costs and benefits therein, a quarter of a million U.S.
troops have massed on the desert borders of Iraq, 揻or a military symposium on
the importance of sand,?according to an unidentified officer stationed in
Kuwait. Armed Forces General Tommy Franks spoke further on the special event
that includes such sand-oriented educational clinics as driving tanks in the
sand, blowing craters in the sand and littering the sand with body parts,
stating that, 搘hile the convention is geared toward tactical maneuvering in the
sand, we are also acutely aware of our coincidental proximity to Iraq. And in
the unlikely event that President Bush orders a strike on Iraq, we are prepared
to send our valued sand experts home and go to work. We may be in the midst of a
crucial training phase, but the United States army is always ready to answer the
call of duty, no matter how suddenly it comes.?

And while it bears repeating that the war in Iraq is still avoidable according
to the Bush administration, White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer warned
Americans during a Friday press conference that, 搕he coming war, which is being
done to prevent terrorism at home and abroad, will certainly renew the great
threat of terrorist attacks against the United States and its friends and
allies.?And to combat the routinely non-specific nature of Homeland Security
recent terror alerts, he introduced the White House newest measure in ensuring
the complete pervasion of an insane and unquenchable panic in the American
public, unveiling The new, federally maintained website
will give Americans the opportunity to sign in, enter personal information and
find out if they, individually, could be the next victim of a terrorist attack.
Fleischer described it as 揳 great way to assess your own vulnerability. All
you have to do is enter your name, address, social security number, credit card
information, a copy of the deed to your house, the number of crimes you抳e been
convicted of, the names of all the communists you抳e ever met, read or seen on
television, you抮e favorite pillar of Islam and three magazines that you抎 most
like to receive great subscription deals on and we tell you whether or not you,
your family or your friends could be the next victims of a fundamentalist
terrorist attack. If the answer is yes, you will be presented with a list of
products that could protect you from terrorism, thanks to an agreement between
the administration and the Best Buy superstore chain. The site will also feature
such purchase options as anti-terror supply gift certificates, local militia
recruitment videos and personal crowd control tasers.

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