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I, Rambo, swear to sign away four years of my mediocre life to the United
States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the
Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me
because I can't swim.

I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I
can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24
hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue telling myself that I am a
fierce killing machine because my drill sergeant told me I am, despite the fact
that the only action I ever will see is a court martial for sexual harassment.

I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and
vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After
completion of my sexual -- er -- I mean, BASIC training, I will attend a
different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I did
when I left.

On my first trip home after boot camp, I will walk around like I am cool and
propose to my ninth-grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home, because if
I let her out she might leave me for a smarter, better-looking Air Force guy.
Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back.

While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely
nothing accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at 1000 hours because of
morning PT and leave every day at 1300 hours to report back to the COmpANY. I
understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a
job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from
high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for
college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam.

So help me God.

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