The Mammogram Poem.
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The Mammogram Poem

For years and years they told me,

be careful of your breasts.

Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.

And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,

and protected them by law.

Guarded them very carefully,

and I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,

My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,

Said I should get a Mammogram.

O.K, I said, let's do it.

Stand up here real close she said,

(She got my boob in line,)

And tell me when it hurts, she said,

Ah yes! Right there, that's fine.

She stepped upon a pedal;

I could not believe my eyes!

A plastic plate came slamming down,

my hooter's in a vice!

My skin was stretched and mangled,

from underneath my chin.

My poor boob was being squashed,

To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,

within its vice-like grip.

A prisoner in this vicious thing,

my poor defenseless tit!

Take a deep breathe she said to me,

whom does she think she's kidding?

My chest is mashed in her machine,

and woozy I am getting.

There, that's good, I heard her say,

(The room was slowly swaying.)

Now, let's have a go at the other one.

Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down;

it squeezed me from both sides.

I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,

To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,

I will request a blindfold.

I have no wish to see again,

my knockers getting steamrolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,

I surely have one now.

If there had been a cyst in there,

it would have gone ker-pow!

This machine was created by a man,

of this, I have no doubt.

I'd like to stick his balls in there,

and see how THEY come out.

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