Funny One Liners-Really Short Funny Jokes.
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1. Steven Wright 16 (5/9/2010)
    I took a baby shower. I used to be a bartender at the Betty Ford Clinic. I washed mud, off of mud. Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity.
2. Steven Wright 15 (5/9/2010)
    After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in? I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper. The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays Helter Skelter
3. Steven Wright 14 (5/9/2010)
    I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building... I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little ki
4. Steven Wright 13 (5/9/2010)
    When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... Eventually. When I was five years old I was on a merry go round.
5. Steven Wright 12 (5/9/2010)
    If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. [Referring to a glass of water] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't tr
6. Steven Wright 11 (5/9/2010)
    My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. If toast always
7. Steven Wright 10 (5/9/2010)
    So I figured I'd leave the area, because I had no ties there anyway except for this girl I was seeing. We had conflicting attitudes: I really wasn't into med
8. Steven Wright 09 (5/9/2010)
    What's another word for Thesaurus? Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? The guy who wrote that song wrote everything. My grandfather
9. Steven Wright 08 (5/9/2010)
    Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, Hello? And I said, Hello, could I speak to Joey?... They said, Uh... I don't think so... he's only
10. Steven Wright 07 (5/9/2010)
    Ever notice how irons have a setting for *permanent* press? I don't get it... I have a microwave fireplace in my house . . . The other night I laid down in fr
11. Steven Wright 06 (5/9/2010)
    I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours. He sai
12. Steven Wright 05 (5/9/2010)
    I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50. So I said, Give me two boys and a girl. I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast
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