Steven Wright 19.
Navigation: Home > Funny One Liners > Content

Steven Wright 19


We were in Salino, Utah when we were arrested for not going through a green light. We pleaded maybe. I asked the judge if he knew what time it is, he did, and I said, No further questions.

I went to court for a parking ticket. I pleaded insanity. I said, Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... When I came back the entire area was missing.

I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coat hanger.

One night a jet flew a little bit too close to my house. I was walking from the living room to the kitchen, and the stewardess told me to sit down.

When I go, I'm flying Air Bizarre. It's a good airline. You buy a one way round trip ticket. You leave any Monday, and they bring you back the previous Friday... That way you still have the weekend.

I have a friend named Dennis. Both of his parents were midgets, but he isn't a midget. He's a midget-dwarf. He's two inches tall. He's the one who poses for trophies.

A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street, and... Ooooohhhhhh, that's much better...

[Tag]:Steven Wright 19
[Time]:5/9/2010
[Friends]: 1. Google 2. Yahoo 3. China Tour 4. Free Games 5. iPhone Wallpapers 6. Free Auto Classifieds 7. Kmcoop Reviews 8. Funny Jokes 9. TuoBoo 10. Auto Classifieds 11. Dressup Games 12. HTC Desire Hd A9191 Review | More...