Steven Wright 06.
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Steven Wright 06


I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours. He said, Yes, but not in a row.

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, Have you got anything I'd like? Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, Extra medium.

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

I went into a clothes store the other day and a salesman walked up to me and said, Can I help you? And I said Yeah, do you got anything I like? He said, What do you mean do we have anything you like? I said, You started this.

I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, It's free with purchase. I asked her if anyone bought anything today.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap Department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.

Friday, I was in a bookstore and I started talking to a French looking girl. She was a bilingual illiterate -- she couldn't read in two different languages.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. Then I filled my humidifier with wax, and now my room is all shiny.

[Tag]:Steven Wright 06
[Time]:5/9/2010
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