Steven Wright 05.
Navigation: Home > Funny One Liners > Content

Steven Wright 05


I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50. So I said, Give me two boys and a girl.

I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.

I used to be a waiter, but I was fired for clearing tables. I was clearing them for take off. I had them all lined up outside. People thought it was an outdoor cafe. I said, No, these are leaving at 3. They were going to fire me anyway, because I told them I thought they should put the wrapper on the inside of the straw since that's the part you don't want to get dirty.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

Years ago, I worked in a natural, organic health food store in Seattle, Washington. One day a man walked in and asked, If I can melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet? Two days later I was fired for eating cotton candy and drinking straight Bosco on the job.

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, ten-four.

I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said pet supplies. So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said compact cars...

[Tag]:Steven Wright 05
[Time]:5/9/2010
[Friends]: 1. Google 2. Yahoo 3. China Tour 4. Free Games 5. iPhone Wallpapers 6. Free Auto Classifieds 7. Kmcoop Reviews 8. Funny Jokes 9. TuoBoo 10. Auto Classifieds 11. Dressup Games 12. HTC Desire Hd A9191 Review | More...