Steven Wright 01.
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Steven Wright 01


You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading . . . And all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

Last night, I walked up to this beautiful woman in a bar and asked her, Do you live around here often? She said, You're wearing two different colored socks. I said, Yes, but to me they're the same because I go by thickness. Then she asked, How do you feel? and I said, Well, you know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic. I mimic my shadow.

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one . . . It wasn't doing what I was doing.

I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me--and I didn't hear it.

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.

He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, Yes, but not right now.

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.

[Tag]:Steven Wright 01
[Time]:5/9/2010
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